How to Find Out If Someone Is On Tinder & Dating You on the Side

Can’t face the “are we exclusive” conversation just yet? Learn how to find out if someone is on Tinder still and get your answer. 

You may be dating someone and just feel that they’re not 100% into the relationship. Or you may be in a longterm relationship and notice a slight shift in their behavior, making you think that maybe their eyes are wandering. Are they flirting with other people? If you want to learn how to find out if someone is on Tinder, read on. Just prepare yourself for the results.

We totally understand the paranoia. Nowadays, we all have access to millions of people with just a swipe of a finger. Really, we’re being fed more options than ever, and this scares many of us.

It can also become somewhat of an addiction without actually meaning anything. However, when you’re in a committed relationship, there’s no place for Tinder finger swiping. [Read: 15 Tinder tips you cannot ignore if you ever want a date]

It is ever acceptable to be dating and be on Tinder?

There is a gray area at the start of every relationship. It’s the point where you could be seeing other people, but you haven’t actually talked about it.

Initial dating isn’t actually committed dating. You’re getting to know each other and there is no real expectation of anything coming of it.

Sure, you have hopes, but you can’t be angry with someone you’ve been on a few dates with, if you find out they’re talking to other people. If they promised you they weren’t, well, that’s a different story. [Read: The talking stage – What is it and how to progress to the next one]

So, is it ever acceptable to be on Tinder and be dating?

If it’s the start and you’ve not discussed where you are in the relationship, then it’s possibly okay. If you’ve spoken about it and they’ve said they’ve come off Tinder, then no, it’s not fine to sneakily be swiping in their spare time. It’s not okay for you to be doing it either. [Read: How to use Tinder: Your walkthrough to find love or a fling thing]

However, there comes a point when Tinder has to be a thing of the past. Knowing how to find out if someone is on Tinder isn’t that hard in reality, but seeing their face on the app isn’t going to make you feel good. If you’ve been together for a while or you’ve spoken about being exclusive and you’ve decided not to see other people, Tinder shouldn’t have a place in your relationship.

Some people become mildly addicted to the app. It’s almost like a hit of adrenaline when you match with someone and you get a message from them. It’s validation that you’ve still got it. Does that make it right to be swiping whilst you’re with someone? Not at all. The adrenaline highs you get should be coming from your partner, not an app.

So, it is okay to be on Tinder and dating? It depends on the stage, but after the very first flourishes of dating then no, Tinder is NOT okay. [Read: Talking vs Dating – How to tell them apart and know your exact status]

How to know if someone is on Tinder while dating you

Well, we can’t bash Tinder completely because it is so much fun! You meet new people, go on a date, and then figure out if they’re worth any more of your time. Usually, the answer is no, but hey, the law of averages says you have to meet someone eventually, right?

Of course, when you first start dating your partner, you’d be terrified that they’re still on Tinder and that you’re just an option for them. There’s a chance this could just be your insecurity talking, and not something they’re doing to make you feel insecure. But it doesn’t hurt to know for sure that your new partner is swiping left and right on an app, right? [Read: How to instantly recognize a smooth operator who’s trying to be too smooth]

Don’t freak out just yet. If you want to learn how to know if someone is on Tinder, well, you can find out. Dating will never be the same.

1. Just ask them

If you really want to know if someone is on Tinder, you can always ask them. Of course, you’ll never be sure if they’re telling you the truth, but this is where trust comes in.

That being said, since you already have this gut feeling that something’s going on, your trust in them seems to be wavering. [Read: Too good to be true? How to know for sure if you’re dating a phony]

2. Join Tinder and do some snooping, or reactivate your account

I had a friend do this once. They weren’t sure if their partner was cheating on them, so they joined Tinder and started swiping. Of course, since they live close to each other, he showed up in her swipes. Well, the rest was history. Literally, history. What else can you do when you find your partner on Tinder?

3. They update their photo or bio

If they’ve updated their photo or switched them around, then they’ve been active on their account. Tinder, depending on if you have this feature activated or not, will switch the photos around depending on which one receives the best results.

So, I wouldn’t rely on that point, but if they completely change their photo, they’ve been on it and they’re looking. It’s a sneaky way, but it’s a good option on how to find out if someone is on Tinder. [Read: Emotional maturity: 13 clues to know if someone has it]

4. Their location updates

If someone doesn’t open their Tinder account, it won’t update their location. But, if someone opens their account, their location is immediately connected to the app and the location is then updated.

This is something even they can’t control. Most of us forget about this feature, so it’s a good one to pay attention to.

5. They ‘like’ a message

If they ‘like’ a message you’ve sent them, they’re active on Tinder. If they reply or write you, they’re active on Tinder. When you’re active on Tinder, your phone is sent notifications alerting you that someone wrote you or matched with you. If they respond, they opened the app. [Read: 18 ingenious ways to catch a cheater in the act]

6. Pay and find out

So, with the invention of Tinder came the invention of a couple of helpful apps to help you find out if someone is active on Tinder.

These apps, which you must pay for, will swipe through users until they find the one you’re looking for. Now, this technology isn’t yet that advanced, but it can help you out when you’re desperate to find out if they’re on Tinder.

7. There isn’t a direct way to find out

Though you can pay for an app that uses bots to swipe through users and find a specific person, there isn’t a direct way to find out if someone is on Tinder.

In other words, you can’t go on Tinder and hit a search bar and look them up and have their profile pop up. It doesn’t work that way. That’s just a point to be aware of. [Read: What makes someone a player? The sly signs to read the mind of a person who plays]

8. They unmatched you

Well, if they’ve unmatched you, you know that they at least were active when removing you from their Tinder. Do you know if they’re active on Tinder? Nope.

But this gives you enough information to know that they opened their account and looked for you. To delete you. Sorry. I know, it’s harsh to be unmatched, but ask yourself why they felt the need to do it.

9. Use your friend’s Tinder

Now, maybe you don’t want to download Tinder, thinking it’ll create more drama than necessary. So, why not get your friends to go through Tinder, seeing if they can find this person.

It may be a little easier when it comes to confrontation if you’re going to confront them on it. Your friend saw them on Tinder, not you. [Read: How to know if your partner is under someone else’s spell]

10. Know that there’s no 100% reliable way to find out

Here’s the thing, there’s no real way to find out. Sure, you can see if they have an account on Tinder, but we all have accounts on Tinder. I’ve accidentally opened my Tinder app when I was starting to see someone, does that make me active on Tinder? No. You can pay to find out as well, but the only person who knows how active they are on Tinder is them.

11. They’re casually dating

Now, this doesn’t strictly mean that they’re on Tinder, but it means they’re not looking for anything serious. Some people don’t need Tinder to get casual hookups.

Let’s be honest, most of us will resort to Tinder because it cuts out the need for small talk, and goes straight into making out territory. [Read: 17 sordid signs you’re just a hookup and nothing more to them]

12. They’re big travelers

Again, I don’t want to generalize and say that everyone who travels is on Tinder. But, if this person is a big traveler and spends most of their time away from home, Tinder will certainly help them when they’re feeling a little lonely.

Tinder is a great way to connect with people while you’re on the road and want to hook up with no-strings-attached. [Read: Why does your partner call you babe instead of your name? Does it mean something?]

13. Someone tells you they’re on Tinder

If a close friend confides in you that they saw your latest squeeze on Tinder, that’s hard evidence right there. Your friend isn’t going to lie to you, at least hopefully not.

In that case, you can confront your date *if you want to* and just say that your friend saw them on Tinder. Does it mean they’re actually active however? No, so that’s probably what they’re going to say if they want to get out of it. [Read: What to do if your boyfriend is active on Tinder and swiping right?]

If there’s no solid way to find out, what can you do about it?

You have two choices here. You can either trust them or you can leave them. Nobody can tell you what you should do.

You see, a person can be on Tinder but not active. Accounts stay on there for a while and that doesn’t mean that your partner is swiping on the daily.

It might be that they haven’t touched their account since the day they met you. you can go through the list above and see if any damning evidence crops up, but it’s never going to give you a 100% foolproof answer. [Read: The 15 signs of an online dating player you should never ever ignore]

So it means that you need to either trust that they’re committed and believe what they say or you’re going to have to end the relationship because you don’t trust them. That’s what it all comes down to in the end – trust.

There is nothing more important than that between two people. If you’re constantly worried that they’re on Tinder every time they pick up their phone, you’re going to be miserable and convince yourself they’re cheating.

Basically, let it go or let them go.

[Read: The 10 stages of a relationship by months that predict your future together]

Tinder definitely made the dating game easier, but that also means cheating is easier too. Learn how to know if someone is on Tinder while still dating you.

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