Ah, yes, kissing a friend. This is a bit of a tricky situation, wouldn’t you say. The real question is, can you learn how to stay friends after a kiss?
If I had a nickel every time I was asked this question, how to stay friends after a kiss, I would… well… I would probably still be broke. But my pockets would jingle! I think we’ve all asked ourselves this question after kissing a friend.
And you know, it’s a tricky question to answer. For some people, they can maintain their friendship with the person they kissed. Others struggle to cope with the situation and their emotions about the kiss. It’s not an easy position to be in. Now reflecting on my past, of course, I have kissed a friend. Most of us have been in this position.
For myself, I can’t say that the kiss did any good for my friendship. In fact, it ended up becoming a dividing barrier. Did I have feelings for my friend? Probably? I don’t think I was sure, which was why we ended up kissing. The outcome was 50/50.
I could have realized I felt something more, or not, and just continued on living life. I chose the latter. The only problem was, I brought an innocent person into my indecisiveness, and that wasn’t cool. If you have kissed your friend, and are now wondering how to stay friends after a kiss, it’s not going to be easy, and may not actually happen. But if you use these tips, you have a greater chance of staying friends after kissing each other.
[Read: 17 signs you’re falling for your best friend and how to know for sure]
How to stay friends after a kiss
Can it actually be done?
#1 Accept that it happened. We like to pretend things didn’t happen when they clearly did. Sure, you can shrug things off and pretend the kiss never happened, but we all know that that’s a lie. It happened, and you were a part of that. If you want to stay friends, don’t sweep this kiss under the rug and act as if nothing happened. [Read: Drunk kiss dilemma – So you kissed someone, now what?]
#2 Was the kiss something more? Before you think you two can just hop back into the friendship you once had, you need to reflect on the kiss. Why did you two kiss? What did you feel during the kiss? Sure, you can go back to being friends, but if there was something behind the kiss, you need to process and understand the feelings behind it.
#3 What do you want? Do you really want to be friends after that kiss? Or has the kiss given you a better insight into your feelings for this person?
In other words, do you have feelings for your friend? If so, going back to a regular friendship isn’t going to be easy, and you need to ask yourself, is this something you want? Do you want to be friends with them? Can you actually handle just being friends with them? [Read: A subtle guide to get your friend to like you back and start falling for you]
#4 You may need a little break. If you two were friends, kissing each other definitely wasn’t something that was expected. If you’re in a bit of a shock, that’s perfectly fine.
In that case, take a couple of days to unwind and think about what happened. Space may be exactly what you need to evaluate the relationship. Feeling confused is a normal feeling if you’re wondering how to stay friends after a kiss, especially if it was unexpected and unplanned until it eventually happened.
#5 Communicate with your friend. Whatever you choose to do, you need to sit down and talk about it with your friend. Whether you two decide to be friends after or not, it’s important you two talk about what happened.
Who knows, maybe you discover you both want more than friendship – you don’t know unless you two talk. Express how the kiss made you feel, and ask them how the situation affected them. [Read: Sleeping with a friend – A no regrets guide to doing it right]
#6 How do you two want to handle the kiss? Okay, so you two have sat down and talked about your feelings. Now, it’s time to figure out what you two want to do. Do you want to stay friends? How do you want to move forward as friends? There needs to be some agreement on how you wish to keep the relationship. [Read: How does being best friends with benefits really work out?]
#7 Be honest throughout the entire thing. You cannot lie to yourself and your friend about how you feel and what you want. You need to be honest with yourself. If you have serious feelings for your friend, pretending the kiss meant nothing isn’t fair to yourself. Of course, there’s a chance the friendship may end, but it will end anyway if you’re not honest.
#8 Give yourself time to get over the kiss. In some cases, you may like your friend but are willing to push through your feelings to be friends with them. I get where you’re coming from.
In that case, you’ll need to give yourself time to process your feelings. Take a break from your friend for a couple of weeks to help emotionally move on, and set boundaries for yourself. [Read: How to have sex with your friend and make sure things don’t get weird]
#9 Avoid creating gossip. If you two kissed, that kiss is between you and your friend – not anyone else. You want to move forward from the situation, and that means you should keep “the kiss” from becoming first-page gossip news. Do you need to tell anyone? If so, tell someone you trust, and who won’t spread the news.
#10 Hang out in a social circle. You may have mixed feelings after the kiss, and that’s okay. If you’ve decided that you want to know how to stay friends after a kiss minus the awkwardness, focus on hanging out in a group setting with mutual friends before having one-on-one hangouts. It’ll help reduce the awkwardness and get your friendship back on track. [Read: Are you two way more than just friends and really close to each other?]
#11 Avoid awkwardness. Easier said than done, I know. If this person is your friend, continue to treat them like your friend. Behave how you would usually behave, and treat them how you usually would. If you start to act differently, you need to evaluate your feelings and ask yourself why you’re feeling like this.
#12 Keep open communication. If there’s going to be an awkward moment or you’re not sure how you’re feeling, talk to your friend about it. If this person is your friend, you need to be able to talk openly with them about how you’re feeling, even when your feelings are about them. Be honest, and keep the line of communication open.
[Read: Sleeping together but not dating? A really good idea or a bad one?]
If you can avoid kissing your friend, I would recommend it. But if it’s happened already, you have two ways ahead. You can learn how to stay friends after a kiss. Or if you realize you have some kind of feelings towards them, be it romantic or sexual, maybe it’s time to sit down with them and talk about it.
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