When You Like Someone: Are You Losing Yourself to Impress Them?

When you like someone, will you move mountains to make them smile? Or, do you run away and hide? The world of romance is a complicated thing!

Think back to your school days, did you have a crush on the playground? Was there a guy or girl who made you turn into a puddle of goo whenever they were around? Did you hide a longing for someone who you couldn’t talk to without blushing bright red? How does it go for you when you like someone?

Most of us had crushes in our school days, but it’s interesting to think about how we dealt with them. Have you heard the old adage that you ‘pull the pigtails of the one you love?’ While love might be a stretch back in those school playground days, the idea is the same.

Basically, we tease and taunt the one we actually like, because we don’t want them to know. It’s a defense mechanism, a way of hiding our feelings and avoiding hurt and vulnerability.

You see, even as children we were trying to hide our feelings! [Read: Strategic moves to help you connect with your crush]

The physical impact of a crush

When you like someone, you get a huge rush of emotion and adrenaline. You feel on top of the world for a second and then plagued with doubts over whether they feel the same about you. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep, all you can do is think about them.

Whenever they look your way, it’s almost like your heart is about to burst. Thankfully, that most vital of organs is not really about to self-combust, but you’d be forgiven for thinking it might! What I’m trying to get at here is to explain that when you like someone, you’ll do silly things. [Read: How to ask someone if they like you without embarrassing yourself]

Have you done something silly for someone you like?

I’ve done crazy things, things I look back on now and wonder whether I was actually sane or not. I lost my self-respect more than one time and turned into a woman I know I am not simply to please another person. It’s crazy and maddening when you look back on it. But hey, we’re human, right?

What lengths will you go to when you like someone? Do you run away and hide, scared to show your emotions, or do you face it and ask them straight out?

Most of us hide away to some degree, before plucking up the courage to feel out the water, trying to figure out whether they might possibly like us back. Of course, we never truly believe it will be, because we’re self-deprecating souls at our very core, so we do what any sane person would do. We get someone else to do the asking!

Yes, when you like someone, you suddenly become mute, unable to ask a simple question to another human being, and it falls upon the shoulders of a loyal servant, usually your best friend, to find out for you.

But, do you really want to know?

When you like someone and you don’t have the answer on whether they like you back or not, there’s still hope. There’s a ‘maybe they will’ to the whole equation. If you find out and it’s a no, your hope is gone. You can’t dream anymore, and it’s all a little crushing. Perhaps that’s why so many of us put off actually asking out that guy or girl their thoughts. [Read: How to handle rejection without making a fool of yourself]

When you like someone, do you lose your mind?

I’m asking this question out of personal interest as well as professional. I’m prone to throwing caution to the wind a little too easily when it comes to matters of the heart. Yes, I hide for a while before going for it, and it normally takes me a few glasses of wine to find that courage. Then, there’s no stopping me.

I’m into the grand gestures, I’ll lay my heart out there, because in my mind *thanks to the wine*, I think that if I’ve said it, I’ve done all I can, no more ‘what if’. Bad move. Seriously. Don’t listen to the wine, it’s lying.

I am guilty of losing my mind on occasion, my heart blinds me and I think irrationally. Not to a crazy degree, I’ll be honest, but certainly to a ‘what were you thinking’ degree, or a ‘I’m going to hide under the duvet for a few days and hope they develop selective amnesia of that particular event’.

No, it doesn’t work. [Read: How to handle rejection without making a fool out of yourself]

The danger of losing yourself in a crush

The danger in all of this is something that I have also experienced. Losing yourself.

When you like someone, it’s easy to try and become everything they want or everything they are, but you forget that you’re pretty special yourself. You might do it subconsciously, without even realizing it, but you talk a little like they do, listen to the same music, or change the way you dress. All of these are likely to be subtle, but it’s definitely there. You’re one step away from yourself.

Mirroring is something that we do naturally when we like someone, be it romantically or generally. This doesn’t usually go as far as morphing into them, because that would be weird, but we try and make ourselves more acceptable to them, someone they would like. The thing is, we’re more than enough as we are, and that’s something we fail to realize.

The heart is reckless?

Another risk is doing something you wouldn’t normally do, simply because your head has taken a leave of absence. You’re all about the pursuit of romance. Life is going to be complete once this person realizes how wonderful you are is where your mind is at.

There isn’t another person on this planet who can make your life wonderful. Life is so much more than just one person.

How far would you go for someone you like? How far would you push it to make them see you, or make them like you back? That’s something for everyone to consider. Set boundaries to stop from doing something stupid or losing you in the process.

Never push your boundaries past a point of comfort. If it doesn’t feel right to you, it’s not right, end of story. Never do anything which compromises your self-respect or your self-worth. I’ve done it before. I belittled myself to be someone’s friend, simply because I wanted them to smile when I was around. What I didn’t realize was they were laughing at me, not smiling because of my presence. I wasn’t the quirky girl everyone found hilarious. I was the quirky girl everyone made jokes at. [Read: How to stop loving someone else and love yourself more]

Stay true to your boundaries

I learned from that experience, and now I know my boundaries. That person also turned out to be a complete tool, and I’m thankful I realized that before I compromised my own self-respect anymore than I already had.

When you like someone, it’s so easy to throw everything out of the window. But remain who you are. How do you know this person isn’t crushing back at you, but you change yourself to the point where they no longer feel that way? Be yourself, it’s that simple.

[Read: A guide to fix your jitters and actually ask your crush out!]

Sit down and ask yourself how far you regularly go when you like someone. Do you suddenly turn into a different version of yourself? Do you even like that version of you?

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