15 Non-Clingy Ways to Stop Being a Possessive Friend and Give Space

If you’ve been told you’re a possessive friend, well, that’s not a compliment. A window has opened. Now you have the chance to learn to be a better friend.

A couple of days ago, your friend sat you down and told you that you’re a possessive friend. Ouch. That stung. But don’t take this as a bad thing. Your friend just saved you from not only losing a friend but from losing yourself.

Now, you have the chance to recognize your actions and change yourself for the better. Of course, you probably told your friend that you’d stop being possessive. But how will you do that? You probably didn’t even know you were being possessive.

How to stop being the possessive friend

Listen, it’s not going to be easy. You’re going to need to really want to change, not just for your friend but for yourself. That’s the only way this change will really happen.

[Read: Good friends are like stars – 18 ways to build lasting friendships]

If you want it for yourself, then it’s time you learned how to stop being a possessive friend. Just remember, you will make mistakes along the way, and sometimes you’ll learn things about yourself you didn’t want to know. However, this is all a part of the journey of becoming the real and authentic you.

It’s pretty exciting if you ask me. So, let’s get this show on the road. There’s no “possessive” in the word friend.

#1 It’s time to do some self-reflection. If you’re ready, there are two things that could have happened. First, you were told you’re possessive by your friend or someone else.

Alternatively, you’re starting to realize your behavior isn’t good. Either way, you’re in a position where you should reflect on yourself and your behavior. So, sit down and take a hard look in the mirror. [Read: How to be less clingy and stop being called a Stage 5 Clinger by your friends]

#2 You don’t own your friend. This is the important thing to remember: you don’t own your friend. It’s normal to have this feeling when you’re close to someone, but you need to shake that mentality off. At the end of the day, you are free people who decided to be friends, and it wasn’t because you owned your friend. No one owns anyone. So your change needs to start from here.

#3 Get to know each other’s friends. If you’re struggling with jealousy, a good way to remove it from the relationship is by getting to know each other’s friends.

When you know who your friend is spending time with, you’ll feel less anxiety. Plus, you may actually become friends with your friend’s friends too. And it’s a win-win for everyone. [Read: Why am I so jealous? Understand it and learn to fix it]

#4 Learn to trust your friend. One part of possessiveness is the inability to trust your friend. If you trust them, you wouldn’t feel the need to possess and try to control them. Possessiveness is usually a reflection of your own internal insecurities. So, sit down with yourself, look at your insecurities, and how they reflect on your friendship. When do you become the possessive friend? 

#5 Live your own life. If you’re someone who spent all your time with this friend, it’s time you create some healthy distance. This doesn’t mean you should cut them from your life; instead, spend some time with your other friends, take up a hobby, and become your own person. Because, at the end of the day, you are two separate people with two different lives.

#6 Practice self-awareness. This isn’t going to be an overnight process. Rather, it’ll take a lot of time for you to work on yourself and grow out of being a possessive friend. And there’s nothing wrong with this; change takes time. Try to practice self-awareness and see when you’re starting to become possessive. Write these moments down and see if you can find a pattern.

#7 Don’t try to change them. This happens in every possessive relationship; one person is trying hard to change the other. But here’s the thing: you can’t change your friend. Plus, why would you want to change your friend? You’re friends with them because of who they are now, not who you want them to be. [Read: Do you understand and embody what it means to be a good person?]

#8 Focus on being independent. Aside from your other insecurities, it’s clear you’ve become dependent on your friend. Now, we all become dependent on our friends from time-to-time; they’re our support. But, you should be able to live your life without your friend by your side 24/7.

So, step back from being the possessive friend and push yourself to be more independent. You don’t need your friend to help you decide what you’re going to wear that day or how you should reply to a text from a boy you like. Try to do these things yourself.

#9 Find out what you love to do. There is something that you love to do; maybe you just haven’t discovered it yet. But now is your time to create your own life and identity. If you’re interested in painting, take a painting class. If you want to learn how to rollerblade, buy a pair of blades and practice. Explore yourself and find the things that make you happy. [Read: How to stop being codependent and start living your own life]

#10 Give each other some space. A little bit of space can be a healthy thing. You don’t need to talk to your friend on the phone every day for five hours. That time could be used to help you grow and become your own person instead. Give yourself some time to explore yourself and the things you enjoy doing. They don’t need to hold your hand through your own journey.

#11 Be open to new possibilities. While you’re on this path of change, you never know what could happen. Maybe your friend will get into a relationship or will not text you on a regular basis anymore. And this is perfectly fine. Life is all about change, and things will happen in your life as well. Don’t be afraid of change because it’s going to happen whether you want it to or not. [Read: Are you envious? 15 bad signs of envious friends]

#12 Respect your friend. At the end of the day, you need to respect your friend. Respect who they are as a person. Respect their decisions. And respect their right to live their life. If you truly want to have a genuine friendship with this person, then respect your friend and vice versa. You are there to support your friend, and they’re here to support you. 

#13 Get some help. This isn’t something that’s going to be easy, especially if you’re seeing more than a few signs of a possessive friend in your own life. And maybe, it would be better if you went to someone who was a professional. Going to a therapist is a great way to find out the root of your problem and give you tools on how to handle the situation. You don’t need to do this alone.

#14 Talk to your friend. You are friends for a reason, right? Well, why not just talk to them about how you’ve been feeling and what you’re going through. They may be able to help you find the root cause of your possessiveness and help you out. Make sure you are open about the issue and are not pointing fingers and blaming them. Take responsibility for your behavior. [Read: How to be mature and grow up and act like an adult]

#15 Fight through your urges. You’re going to have moments where you’ll want to creep your friend’s social media and find out what they’re doing or see who they’re hanging out with, but you need to fight those urges. You and your friend are both separate people, and you need to remember you two have your own lives. By not giving in to possessiveness, you will grow.

[Read: What makes a good friend? The art of honing your friendship skills]

You want a genuine and healthy friendship and not be the possessive friend, right? If you see more than a few of these signs of a possessive friend, take time to work on yourself and get to a place where you’re comfortable and confident in yourself.

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